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“Okay” Tails replied. “Hey Ben??”

“Yea Tails??” Ben replied taking off his sunglasses for the day.

“You’ve been all around the world right? Do you have any interesting stories to share?”

Ben laughs a little and turns to Tails. “I’m hardly an old man returning from a life at sea or after a long journey Tails.” Ben says chuckling.

“But you must have some stories right Ben?” Sonic asked.

“I may have a few. There are some experiences worth retelling I suppose” Ben muttered.

“What has the biggest battle you were...” Tails began to ask.

Ben quickly cuts off Tails before he can finish “Don’t even try, as of right now I’m taking that one to my grave.” Ben snapped at Tails. “There are some fights solders don’t talk about and for me; the Battle of Kairslan is that one.”

“That bad huh??” Sonic said.

“You haven’t the slightest idea, Sonic.” Ben muttered. “Tails toss me the hot dogs.” Tails hands them to Ben and he puts them in the pot.

“Well do you have any interesting battles or missions you were in?” Tails asked.

“Well this one time we were asked to protect this diplomat’s daughter, her name was Katherine I think, cute fox girl, and she was hitting on me but I had to keep my mind on the job which is something you cant mix.” Ben began has he lets the chili dogs cook and takes a seat, looking at Sonic at his last remark as a jab at him.

“Funny.” Sonic quipped.

Ben laughs for a second and strokes the fire. “Anyways so a group of mercenaries were being paid to kidnap her to use her as leverage against her father so they can have more freedoms and be above the law and all that bad rap.” Ben continued. “So our job was to move her from one town to another, I think they were on their way to Knothole I don’t really remember all the details it was a few months ago. Anyways we had to stop at this town for the night cause he thought it would be better to stop and rest.”

“I guess it wasn’t the best idea?” Tails asked.

“Yea but that’s later in the story.” Ben answered. “So the way sentry duty was set up was we all draw straws for who guards her room, the perimeter of the hotel we were staying at and some walk around the area undercover. We had to tighten security in the area and had to partially shut down the place for safety concerns and all that. So we all draw straws…”

“Let me guess, you had to stay with her didn’t you?” Sonic said cutting off Ben before he could finish.

“Just my luck right?” Ben answered. “Yea so I had to stay with her in the room. Normally I wouldn’t mind but as I said she was hitting on me and making advances on me. I told her several times that it’s not the right time and place for all that.”

“Did she stop?” Tails asked

“She toned it down a bit.” Ben answered. “So she was about to go to sleep so I made sure everything was safe in her room, which at the time was safe. I heard a knock on the door and it was someone from the hotel giving her something she asked for earlier. So he walks in and I check up on her.”

“It was one of the mercenaries wasn’t it?” Sonic said.

“Turns out the hotel were actually a front for their base of operations.” Ben muttered. “So the whole place knew she was there so they sent one of their best to kidnap her. So I walked in with my magnum drawn because he was very suspicious, he got a hold of her and had her at knifepoint and used her as a human shield. The guys says to me: ‘Walk away now, She’s ours now’ along with other stuff that Tails probably shouldn’t hear.”

“I want to know what he said.” Tails replied

“Trust me Tails you don’t. It’s things a ten-year-old shouldn’t hear.” Ben said. “A lot of the stuff he said was VERY graphic. So I look around to see if there was a way I could disarm him without hurting her. I notice a heating vent near him and a pipe that looked ready to crack. So I take a shot at the pipe and hit it causing it to break hitting the guy in the face with hot steam. I then kick him out through the window.”

“Quick thinking Ben.” Sonic said praising Ben.

“Situations like that you can find a way get out of it if you look hard enough.” Ben said. “So we had to get her out of there so I radioed in my squad to help us get out of there. We exited the room and there were two more outside and apparently their orders were to get rid me. One of them swung at me and I garbed his hand, pooped his arm out and threw him over my shoulder and then the other one tried kicking me so I grabbed his foot and flipped him over. He happened to be near a staircase so he fell down the stairs.”

“Were they sending in everyone?” Tails asked.

“It looked like it cause Raymond radioed in that there were a lot outside. So we went out the back and we were being chased through the forest. They were cut off so we were on our own. We ran through the forest on our own and about several of them were chasing after us. It really was a bad situation.”

“You two were on your own?” Sonic asked.

“Yea.” Ben replied. “While we were running she tripped and fell on a root. I ran back picked her up and piggybacked her for a long distance. We were able to get away but we were stuck in the forest. I think they got lost as well. We eventually found a lake in the forest and we camped there for the night. The last radio contact I heard from Raymond was that they apprehended the ones they faced and they were coming to look for us next.”

“So what about the guys that were chasing you? What happened to them?” Tails asked

“Well we stopped at the lake to rest. So a few moments later their second-in-command Klaus showed up. He was the one who was chasing us through the forest. The others were sent back by whoever was in charge because he thought Klaus would be able to dispatch me. Now this guy was a huge and he cocky. He comes up to me and says: ‘Nice try, but this girl is coming with me. She is our ticket for us doing what we want when we want without the law harassing us. Know this: the Shadow Claws will become the most powerful group and your sorry excuse for Marines cant do anything about it.’ He walks past me and I grab him and tell him: ‘Not in this lifetime. Justice will prevail like always. I’m giving you a warning: Leave now and I’ll let it slide.’

“He didn’t leave did he?” Sonic asked

“Nope. He swung at me.” Ben answered. “He has a nasty left hook. He nailed me and I leg swept him and punching him. He rolled out of the way and swept me. I kicked up as he got up and tried for a left hook again. I caught his hand, which still pushed me back a bit, and I put him in an arm bar. He then grabbed me and put me into an arm bar. He left his whole midsection open so I saw the opportunity and gave him an uppercut. Now even though he’s a big guy I lifted him off of his feet. He landed and tackled me to the ground and began to wail at me. I was able to block each punch but those hits were taking a toll on me. Katherine then jumped on him to get him to stop. He got off and pushed her to the ground.”

“That’s not cool.” Tails said.

“No kidding. You NEVER hit a girl.” Ben said shaking his head as he began to take the chilidogs out of the pot and gives two each to Sonic and Tails and begins eating one. “So I saw this and that just set me off. My eyes turned red, as you guys have seen, and I dropkicked him. He was about to feel a world of hurt. I grabbed him and threw him face first into a tree and bounced his head off the tree. He was still standing so I hip tossed him into the ground and gave him a good punch to the face and he was down for the count. I settle down afterwards and rolled him out of there for his buddies to find. I checked up on her and she was fine. She thanked me for protecting her and she kissed me, something I didn’t expect. So about and hour later Raymond and the rest showed up about an hour and a half later. At that time I was lying down against a tree while her head was resting on my stomach. Immediately they thought something was going on which nothing was going on. So we all camped out in the forest that night and we safely brought her to Knothole the next morning, mission accomplished.”

“So what happened to the mercenaries base of operations in the hotel?” Sonic asked.

“We went back two days later to clear out the building and hopefully apprehend the Shadow Claw’s leader, which would have been grand since no one knew who he was and all of his or her employees are tight lipped about it.” Ben began again. “The entire place was cleared out. We searched the entire place top to bottom and found a few hidden areas but the whole place was empty until we got to the basement where a note saying ‘You got lucky this time Ben but next time will be different’ signed by GMC.”

“GMC?” Tails asked.

“Grand Master Claw as he or she calls themselves.” Ben answered. “So it was successful but we all wished they’d were still there and kill two birds with one stone. General Alvakirk and Commander D’Coolette thought we did an excellent job for protecting her and flushing out the Shadow Claws from the area in the process and of course General Yukon thought it was ‘sloppy and you could of apprehended GMC.’”

“He’s never satisfied in anything you do is he?” Sonic asked.

“You can say that again.” Ben muttered as he was rolling his eye. “But what was strange is that the only ones who knew the path we were taking, where we were and where we were staying was us, the generals and Armand.”

“You think Yukon set you up?” Sonic asked.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he did.” Ben answered. “There was something off about him ever since I joined up. But that’s my story for the night. Even when things went bad we still got out of it cause we can prevail. Also another moral of the story was if someone hits a girl they deserve the crap kicked out of them.”

“Of course.” Tails answered as Ben begins to clean up dinner. Later in the night while Tails is sleeping, Sonic is sitting outside looking at the full moon. Ben walks up to Sonic and sits next to him.

“He bro, something wrong?” Ben asked sensing there was something Sonic was thinking about.

“Nothing really why?” Sonic asked back.

“It just looks that way.” Ben answered. “Also every time I mentioned Knothole today you seem to have this uneasy look on your face. Did something happen back home?”

“I’m not even aloud back home.” Sonic muttered with some sorrow. “King Max banished me after Sally accidently got hurt during a mission and blamed me for it even thought it wasn’t my fault.”

“What happened?” Ben asked.

“We were trying to bring down one of Eggman’s SWATbot factories. So we went in and I was supposed to distract Eggman while Sally, Bunnie and Antoine were to shut down the factory. I found him and we fought for a bit and from what I saw from the cameras they were doing what they needed to do.”

“So it started like another textbook Freedom Fighter mission then correct?” Ben asked.

“Right. So I defeated Eggman like always while they had NICOLE do what she does best, the factory started to shutdown. Now old Eggie started to laugh and I saw the screen and there were explosions heading their way. I quickly got out of there and attempted to rescue them.”

“I take it you didn’t make it on time?” Ben added in.

Sonic’s face dropped a bit. “I did but they were all seriously hurt. I didn’t get there fast enough. So I brought them back to Knothole so they could get the help they needed and King Max saw Sally hurt. He immediately blamed me for what happened even though we all tried to explain it wasn’t my fault.”

“It sounded like Robotnik, Eggman, whatever the hell he wants to call himself expected you guys to do exactly what you did.” Ben replied

“That’s what I thought afterwards as well.” Sonic said still with a look of sorrow. “As I said we tried explaining that we walked right into a trap. He said I could of gotten there faster and told me to leave Knothole for good. Sally was immediately upset and said she’d leave with me but Max made her stay. She then said she wouldn’t speak to him again. We said goodbye and I then had to leave. It was hard, I mean Sally and I were best friends and I have feelings for her you know?”

“I know dude.” Ben says as he puts his hand on Sonic’s shoulder. “I could even tell when we were younger that you had feelings for her. I think Max was just upset that his little girl was badly hurt and you just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“That’s what I’m thinking, I just haven’t been back since.” Sonic said.

“If we have to go to Knothole I will go by myself. I will talk to Max as well to see if you can go home.” Ben said.

“Thanks Ben.” Sonic said with a smirk, feeling a bit better. “It would mean a lot to me to be able to go home again, it’s been about 3 and a half years.”

“No problem bro.” Ben said standing up. “Get some rest alright? Its gonna be a busy day tomorrow.” Ben begins to walk towards camp as Sonic looks up to the sky and heads back to the camp as well.


Sonic wakes up the next morning at 930 AM and sees Ben putting the rest of his gear on. Ben puts on his backpack, his gauntlets and his gloves and proceeds to break down camp. Tails returns to the camp and brings more of the equipment back to the helicopter as Sonic begins to take down his tent.

“Sleep well last night Sonic?” Ben asked as he folds up the tent back into the bag.

“For the most part.” He answered back. “So where are we going today?”

Ben signs and looks at Sonic, “Well we are going back to my childhood home” Ben replied. “I haven’t been back there in a long time, its bittersweet really.”

“How so?” Tails asked as he comes back from the helicopter.

“Put it this way…” Ben began as he sits down on a tree stump. “It’s always good to go back home, where you grew up and all that. But for me it isn’t what it should be: I’m going back to the place where my parents, my two brothers and my extended family and friends died all those years ago. It shouldn’t be that way but it is, I miss everyone and going back there brings back fond memories but at the same time despair as well.” Ben looks up to both Sonic and Tails with his face showing the pain he is in. “If your parents are still alive, enjoy every single damn moment of it because you never know when they will be gone.”

“My parents are back home in Knothole last I heard.” Sonic said as he hands Ben the folded tent.

“I’m not so sure about my parents” Tails added in. “I have no clue where they are.”

“I’m sorry to hear that Tails.” Ben said. “Hopefully you will be reunited with them sometime in the near future.” Tails nods and Ben turns back to Sonic. “Is everything set to go?”

“Everything appears good” Sonic replied.

“Good, lets get moving we have a lot of ground to cover.” Ben said as they all began to walk to the helicopter. Ben hops into the pilot seat and starts the propellers up. “Everyone buckled in?” Ben asked as Sonic and Tails the thumbs up to go. They ascend away from the island and begin to cross the ocean with someone following suit.
Chapter 5: As Eggman gets help from a blast from the Past; Sonic, Tails and Ben try to enlist help as well.

Now with 60% more emotion and 60% more detail.

Due to its sheer size i had to cut it into two separate parts but its the same chapter

(All Sega related material belongs to Sega, Archie and DiC respectively. Ben the Wolf belongs to me)

Chapter 5a:[link]
Chapter 6a: [link]
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:icontheredauthar:
TheRedAuthar Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013
It's still Huge.
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:iconuncleben59:
UncleBen59 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013
Much better
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:iconbattlebrothertherix:
battlebrothertherix Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You still keep switching between present and past tense. As a rule stick to the past tense and make sure you do.
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:icontheredauthar:
TheRedAuthar Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013
Stick with whatever is easier actually. I got into the habit of writing in Present Tense in my story (though I was forcing myself to so I could write in Present Tense).
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:iconbattlebrothertherix:
battlebrothertherix Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Present tense tends to restrict options more.
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:icontheredauthar:
TheRedAuthar Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013
Very true, but there are some really good stories written in Present Tense.
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:iconbattlebrothertherix:
battlebrothertherix Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hmm?
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:icontheredauthar:
TheRedAuthar Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013
Wolverine: The Nature of the Beast, Novel Written by Dave Stern and based off of Marvel's X-Men series, is both written in the First person/Present Tense and written as if Wolverine was speaking/thinking it. It's rather good.
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:iconuncleben59:
UncleBen59 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
Right. But other than that is an improvement right?
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:iconbattlebrothertherix:
battlebrothertherix Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's somewhat of an improvement, though I can still see a few flaws:
1) I know it's clearly not canon, but Sonic still doesn't seem cocky enough. I feel like when he's listening to Ben's story his praises should be more animated. I usually associate Sonic with being a fairly graphic and animated individual, so I'd imagine his remarks being backed up by an occasional laugh, a bit of clapping, a thumbs up, and definitely some more...articulate remarks. I'd spend five or so minutes just sitting down and coming up with a few showy remarks that Sonic would make use of.
2) Observe conversations. Even when someone is just telling a story, they make it as interesting as possible. If they're in it, they (often subconsciously) will try and highlight his part more than the others. When Ben was narrating what Klaus said, it seemed too word-perfect. He'd remember his own words quite studiously because he said them, but I doubt he'd be so perfect in his recall of someone else's words. Even just putting 'says something like' instead of just 'says', since it implies he's only really half-remembering this for the sake of the story.
3) Grammar & spelling. I am a real stickler for this and it's sort of an OCD of mine, but I kept noticing things like missing full-stops, sentences that were phrased badly (look at 'looking at Sonic at his last remark as a jab at him.' I know what you meant, but the words themselves don't make sense written that way) things like that. It's less of a worry for a fair few people, but when there's an eye like mine looking at it, it pays to just take a minute or so to skim back and look at things like that, and make sure you're putting the spelling at the like right.

Now, i'm not saying you're writing terribly. You're damn sight better than half the stuff on the front page, and the way Ben really came across as the 'old war hero' was something you don't often see in Sonic fiction. I enjoyed that about it.
One thing I'll say you have in common with a friend of mine, :iconvorahk295: is you find yourself using 'also' a lot when people talk or when you're narrating something, like you've had an idea, forgotten it and then remembered it, so quickly stuck it on the end. Keep in mind it's a story, and you can change things like that before you upload it. Right here:

"Even when things went bad we still got out of it cause we can prevail. Also another moral of the story was if someone hits a girl they deserve the crap kicked out of them.”

First part of that, fine, but the second part looked more like you tagged it on than Ben was saying it in a legitimate conversation. Personally, something like that I'd prefer as:

"Even when things went bad we still got out of it 'cause we can prevail, and if someone hits a girl they need the crap beaten out of them."

I'm really picky I know, but little things like that help the visual effect of the chapter as a whole.
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:iconuncleben59:
UncleBen59 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
No i enjoy you're criticism as it helped me improve my writing a lot. For that i thank you very much. Be picky, it just helps me improve as you saw with this chapter.

1) i know Sonic is supposed to be more cocky, i just havent fully incorporated everything in just yet (college has drained me a bit)
2)Understandable. I will work on that in the future. I was trying to make it interesting but i thought of adding more things in Ben's POV.
3) Yea i need to hammer down on that. Word can only do so much.

I'm having Ben as "a war-hero thats become weary of war" soon. I also need to stop saying 'also' alot as well. Though from the people who have seen this have given Ben a positive review of him thus far
Reply
:iconbattlebrothertherix:
battlebrothertherix Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Like I said, you're doing better than a lot of work that unfortunately takes the spotlight, but to iron out the kinks in writing takes a lot of effort.
I can understand college taking a drain on you - I'm grinding through my first year of exams as we speak.

Learning to touch-type is a great way to do this as well - it makes your mind instinctively look for mistakes as you're no longer paying attention to the keyboard in the same way, and you see the mistakes as they're made and so they are corrected faster.
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:iconuncleben59:
UncleBen59 Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013
i got chapter 6 up
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:iconuncleben59:
UncleBen59 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
Thanks man.

I'll use your advice when i start chapter 6
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